The Biggest Loser

So I watched my first ever episode of The Biggest Loser tonight. I don't have cable and I missed last weeks premiere so I have to catch up online.

I've heard good things about this show but I had no idea it would be this good. I had no idea it was possible to lose that much weight in one week. I know that I could never lose even 10 pounds in a week, let alone 20 or 30, but it definitely inspired me to work out harder and shoot for maybe 2-3 pounds a week instead of only 1.

I know I need to burn more calories than I am taking in. The difficult part is knowing just how many calories I've burned. I've been staying under 1,200 calories a day, so how much walking do I need to do to make it count?

I am definitely getting a gym membership next month.

I also need one of those doohickies that the Biggest Loser contestents wore around their arms. The thing that registered exactly how many calories they had burned and compared it to how many they'd taken in already and told them how much more they had to do. I'm sure one of those things are expensive though.

I have been doing good with my food intake. It's just the exercise that I need to work harder at.

My goal is to be at least 120 pounds by my birthday next year. That's a year and a half away.

New exercise goal!

While I was just starting out with walking again, during this first week I didn’t push myself to walk more than 20 min.

But since the hardest part is over, I’ve gotten my big butt up and out the door more than once and learned how good it felt…I need to increase my time.

So starting this week my new goal for walking is 45 min! And that’s 45 min of BRISK walking too! Not just leisurely strolling.

I missed one day of walking this past week and it did not feel good at all! I don’t want to go through a re-peat of that.

I started this month at 265. We’ll see how much I can lose by simply walking and cutting my calories below 1500. If It’s not significant enough I’ll add something like my workout tapes. Or maybe I’ll consider joining the local qym.

Now...just a little reminder of what I am working towards!

Day one...

For my first day I think I did pretty well.

I went for a 20 minute walk...down and back to the grocery store to pick up some stamps and some apples to snack on.

I didn't over eat and I drank my water.

So...all in all...a success!

I am focusing on worrying about one day at a time. Yesterday was a bad day and I was pretty desperate not to let this day be a waste. It feels really good to actually do what I set out to do. And getting started is always the hardest part.

A long road ahead...

I can't believe it but I am actually here. Trying again.

I truly worried there for a while that it was really over. That I had really given up. I don't know what changed...time maybe.

I do know that the level of self-hatred I have been dealing with on a daily basis became completely soul-crushing.

Even if I can't see my trying again as anything more right now than attempting to salvage what's left of my life...I guess that will have to do for now. Whatever works, I say.

I just know that I'm so lonely it's killing me and the self-hate has gotten so bad that even I can't stand it anymore.

I need to start taking better care of myself. Simply because I matter. I may not really believe it right now but the hope is that over time, I will come to.

So...baby steps.

-I bought a case of water (with those little powder flavor packets) instead of more soda.

-I found a nice park to walk in.

-I started picking up my apartment.

-I bought an electric toothbrush because I need to stop neglecting my teeth.

-I started writing in here again.

-I joined the 3 Fat Chicks Forum.

Goals For Today

1. Send out important mail
2. Take my tire to get fixed.
3. Finish cleaning and organizing my apartment.
4. Go for a half-hour walk.