Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Big Changes...

“I want to feel something real. I want to be intoxicated by someone’s very presence. I want the butterflies and mixed feelings. I want confusion. I want the mood swings. I just want to feel.” Unknown

I've been neglecting this blog temporarily because I've been so overwhelmed. I still feel a little overwhelmed but I am dealing with it a lot better now I think.

A lot of things have changed. For the better, thank goodness. First is that I've lost another 10 pounds since my last post!! That's 25 pounds total!! It's already being to show too. People have been commenting that it's obvious I'm losing weight. And I've dropped two pants sizes! Shirts that used to be tight on me fit better too.

The other biggest thing that has changed is that I have completely cleaned my whole apartment. It used to be a wreck. It was totally chaotic, a constant weight on my shoulders, and a source of major guilt.

Not only did I clean it, I rearranged my bedroom, cleaned out my closets (and found tons of stuff that I either threw out or donated), organized my desk, and cleaned my couch. The whole place looks amazing!!

It is already making a huge difference in how I feel. The state of my apartment has always affected my state of mind, but I also did it it because I was tired of being embarrassed to invite people into my place. I want to make friends, I want a boyfriend, and I don't want to be ashamed to let them into my home. It didn't even look like a real home before. It does now.

Another great change is that I got a few new clothes. Before, I never felt like I was worth spending the money on, because I am so overweight. I used to feel like there was no point in trying to look nice. There was no point in wearing decent clothes, make-up, doing my hair, because all people would see is my weight. And my weight made me unattractive no matter what I wore. That was my mindset and it was horrible.
So I got some new clothes and even some make-up. I'm making sure that I actually get dressed everyday, even if it's just for a little while.

I'm taking responsibility for my life. I realized that it is up to me to help myself. What's that quote? "God only helps those who help themselves." It's time to help myself. Cause no one else will.


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