Friday, January 8, 2010

I had an epiphany!

Something came to me this morning that up until now I have been denying. I am addicted to chocolate. And I’m not addicted to chocolate like some people say they are just because they love it. I am addicted like a smoker is addicted to cigarettes. I am addicted like a heroin or cocaine addict is addicted to drugs. I have physical, almost painful cravings for it. I go through withdraws. I wake up craving it in the morning and go to be craving it at night.

I was lying in bed this morning trying to rationalize how I could keep chocolate in my life. One part of me said, you shouldn’t have to give it up completely! It’s not like your addicted to hard core drugs that are ruining your life and your body and brain. But then the other part of me said, YES you do! And it IS ruining your life and body and brain! Look at yourself!! Look how fat you are!!! Look how you’ve let being so fat ruin your life!!

So I came to a conclusion, and a painful one at that. I need to give up chocolate.

If I am doing to do this. If I am going to lose weight. I am not going to be able to keep chocolate in my house.

With me, the only way I can ever have the sweet stuff is as some kind of reward for meeting my goals for the week or the month. Then, and only then, can I maybe have a small chocolate sundae from McDonald’s. Or a small baby scoop of chocolate ice cream from Coldstone. Even then my reward will never be able to be brought into the house. Like, I can’t reward myself with buying a carton of ice cream to bring home. Nope….single servings only! Cause I have no control when it comes to sweets. NO CONTROL!! My rational mind seems to disappear around chocolate. So if this time is going to work, I’ve got to get control over this addiction.

So from now sweets in the house and only once or (maybe) twice a week I'll have a small chocolate treat, like a baby scoop of ice cream from ColdStone. But it will be bought outside the house! No more bringing junk back to the house! I can't trust myself!


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