A long road ahead...

I can't believe it but I am actually here. Trying again.

I truly worried there for a while that it was really over. That I had really given up. I don't know what changed...time maybe.

I do know that the level of self-hatred I have been dealing with on a daily basis became completely soul-crushing.

Even if I can't see my trying again as anything more right now than attempting to salvage what's left of my life...I guess that will have to do for now. Whatever works, I say.

I just know that I'm so lonely it's killing me and the self-hate has gotten so bad that even I can't stand it anymore.

I need to start taking better care of myself. Simply because I matter. I may not really believe it right now but the hope is that over time, I will come to.

So...baby steps.

-I bought a case of water (with those little powder flavor packets) instead of more soda.

-I found a nice park to walk in.

-I started picking up my apartment.

-I bought an electric toothbrush because I need to stop neglecting my teeth.

-I started writing in here again.

-I joined the 3 Fat Chicks Forum.

Goals For Today

1. Send out important mail
2. Take my tire to get fixed.
3. Finish cleaning and organizing my apartment.
4. Go for a half-hour walk.